Self

If you are a victim, you did do something wrong

11 minutes, 17 seconds
blog-header-image

Before you read this, I am not saying victims are entirely to blame for what happens to them. Sometimes, a victim truly does nothing wrong. But in most cases, it's easy to be a victim if you put yourself in vulnerable situations.

For example, if I were to walk down a bad part of town at 2 am by myself with no weapon of any kind, and I was gunned down. Whose at fault? Indeed the person who killed me. But who is really at fault? Me. For stupidly putting myself in that situation. You can only tempt fate for so long until your terrible choices come back to haunt you. You could say the person who shot me is a monster, and you can say they would have done it to someone else. But what does that say about you if you put yourself in that situation?

It can be something simple too. If your password is 1234, you should expect to get hacked. Sure, you are the victim, but you should know better. If you get hacked, still don't change your password, and then get hacked again, you're not only a victim but also an idiot.

Same for someone taking a selfie who falls to their death off a cliff or mountain peak, something that's on the rise. It's their fault, but you could bring up whether there was a sign that marked the cliff unstable. Although people would probably ignore it, should we really have to say it's unsafe, be careful? How about the person who made cameras in cell phones, which made it easier for this stuff to happen? Or a society that created a high demand for selfies? It's never one thing. But there have been at least 379 selfie deaths since 2008.

The two prominent people I will discuss are MacKenzie Lueck and Gabby Petito. What happened to them is a tragedy, they didn't deserve to die no matter what they did, and the responsible guys are monsters. However, everything I will mention below is also true.

For instance, MacKenzie's friends say that it doesn't matter if she did x, y, and z. She wouldn't have been fine. Instead, saying he is a monster, a predator, and would have done it to someone else. He is to blame. But that doesn't mean she did nothing wrong. She probably would still be alive if she had done x, y, and z. Both things can be true. And both things are true. And there's a whole lot more that's true too.

Whenever something goes wrong, we want to blame only one person. It's only one person's fault, but that's never the case. No one is ever 100% to blame when something is wrong. Whenever something goes wrong, it's always multiple people's fault. In fact, in most cases, it would almost be nearly impossible for it to be only one person's fault because there is always something someone else could have done to improve the situation.

They should also be careful with using the word predator. They may not realize it, but their friend MacKenzie is one too. Just because you don't know that side of them or don't want to remember them that way doesn't alter the fact they were that way. That guy is a predator. He preys on young women to take away their freedom. We know this because a contractor said he tried to build a soundproof room where only his fingerprint could unlock it. If that isn't creepy, I don't know what is. But she isn't much better. She preys on rich men to take away their money. She even said that online. One is worse than the other. You can always get your money back, but you can't get your freedom back. But its severity doesn't change that she is also a predator. It's like debating if a murderer or a thief is worse. The murderer would be worse, but it's not like a thief is much better. She isn't exactly a saint. She had just met her match, which was bound to happen sooner or later.

It's also hard to fathom why a woman would meet a man she doesn't know at 3 am. I wouldn't even meet a woman I don't know at 3 am, and I sure as hell wouldn't meet a man I don't know at that time of night if I were a woman. I really think she just became cocky and firmly believed all men were infatuated with her and she could do whatever she wanted. Bad choice. Never be that naive. But at that age, 23, it's going to happen. If I had a daughter, I would hope I wouldn't have to tell her not to meet strange men at the time of night.

Gabby Petito ignored several warning signs along the way. I can tell her fiancee was not a good catch from the little I know. Her friend said he was super jealous, controlling, and weird. Not to mention he heard voices. Additionally, they fought before they left for the trip, and she would sleep at her friend's house when it became unbearable.

I don't know why you would date someone controlling or jealous. Especially one hearing voices. Driving cross country in an isolated and cramped van would not make things better if I constantly fought. That kind of trip takes a toll on people who love each other. Then there was more fighting in the van where they hit and slapped each other. The one female cop even said, is this what you want? The relationship seems toxic. Then he fought with people in the diner, and Gabby tried to calm him down, and they fought over that. I'm not sure how many more instances were needed to learn the relationship isn't working and he's not worth it.

Based on how he killed her, it would not surprise me if she decided to break up with him on the trip, setting him into a rage. Suppose she did finally decide that, good for her. However, you never break up on a trip, especially in a remote location.

His coworkers also said he was weird, had a very short temper, and easily became jealous. The worst part is her parents thought he would protect her. Really? Based on everything I just wrote, I don't know how you could think that. Did they even meet this guy? They need to do better at understanding warning signs.

To recap, Gabby dated a guy everyone but she and her parents thought was weird, controlling, super jealous, quick-tempered, and heard voices. They also fought constantly before and during the trip. Even when the police officer told her the relationship seemed toxic, she refused to leave. What is wrong with this picture? Keep in mind when he asked her to marry him, she said yes. She said sign me up for a lifetime of that.

I realize it's not easy when you're emotionally invested in something. You want what you desire to be true, so you try and stay positive and hope that it will change.

Last year, after being depressed and cooped up in the house for six months from COVID, I became a victim of something. Even though I was the victim and the perpetrator did something illegal and creepy, I still messed up. I noticed three warning signs, and I remember saying that's weird all three times yet continued anyway. I even thought the first one seemed fishy. Even though I usually never ignore warning signs, I did this time because I wanted it to be true, and I didn't think anything bad would happen. It's also hard to interpret things through text sometimes, and sadly I have done online dating on and off for 15 years without any issues and have had so many weird things happen it's hard to tell what is unusual. Other than those three things, everything else seemed normal. I've heard of catfish and scams, but those are generally easy to notice. I had never heard of this particular one, but I researched it to find it was pretty ordinary. But it's hard to fathom someone would spend their time doing it. Since it's a long con, there's no guarantee it will pay off.

Despite ignoring those signs, nothing would have happened if I didn't do something stupid right after the third warning sign that I had never done before. After the initial shock of it blowing up in my face, the first thing I thought of was those warning signs. When I put them together with everything else, I realized it all made sense. That was the first time I ignored several warning signs, put myself in a situation to be a victim, and didn't think before I acted. It especially irritated me because I did the stupid thing right after the third warning sign. I love analyzing things, hence this site, but I failed to do that because I was thinking with another part of my body. I could have brought the evidence to the police, and I thought about that. But my embarrassment, coupled with not wanting to deal with it long term, made me deal with them instead. It probably wasn't the best way to handle it, but it's what I chose at the time. It's too late now to do anything else. You need to learn from it and move on. I still can't believe I kept going. The dumbest thing I've done in the past ten years. I also felt bad for him. He was one of the dumbest people I've ever met and must have been truly desperate. But I couldn't get over that someone that dumb could scam me. It was a humbling moment. We are all vulnerable at some point.

I am responsible for my actions, and I am also the victim, but this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't on a dating site. Of course, a 40-year-old shouldn't be single, but I've been single for seven years because there's no one to date. As Gabby demonstrated, women cannot pick boyfriends to save their lives. It's something that truly baffles me. I have never met a woman who could. A few years ago, a friend who lived here could not tell if the guy was a good catch or liked her. I could tell all that right away. It's always easier to see it when you're on the outside looking in, but I thought it was obvious. When I tried to help her, she blamed me after I was right. Something that made no sense. Blame yourself for not listening.

I don't want to turn this into a dating article. I plan on writing a dating book at some point. But there's a woman across the street living with a guy. The guy made loud hitting sounds, and she was screaming. I thought he was hitting her. It turned out he punched halls in the wall. The sheriff dragged him out of her place in handcuffs several months later. I have no idea why. Amazingly they had a kid together afterward, and then they were incident-free for a long time. But then he stole her car while drunk and drove away. I still remember looking out the window and seeing her standing there crying. She ended up calling somebody. I believe they went and got him, and nothing happened. But what if the baby was in the car and he got into an accident, and it died?

I don't know him or his drinking story, but I always think, is this the best you can do? There are a billion men on this planet, and that's who you choose to have a kid with? There are many quality men out there, but it's hard to compete with repeated lousy judgment. I've known women who were hit while pregnant, and they stuck around. I would hope if I had a daughter, I wouldn't need to tell her not to date someone who was a drunk or physically abusive. They have been incident-free since, and hopefully, it will stay that way.

Thankfully I didn't give up and met my wife online. We haven't gotten married yet, because we can't yet, but we both knew right away. I'm glad I met her when I did. Otherwise, she would be dead. While she's a victim of many things, her repeated poor decisions and ignoring warning signs did not help her. One day I will write about our story.

Breaking up is never easy. There's the emotional part of you and your partner's feelings and the dread of being single and having to date again. The former gets slightly easier the more times you do it. The last one should not be an excuse for a woman. I never knew how long it would take to meet someone else, and it could take years. Women, especially attractive ones, do not have this problem. You can find someone in a few months. I've known women who found a new boyfriend within a week.

That, of course, brings us to Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Why would you stay in the relationship for five years if the relationship was that toxic? Rich, famous, and attractive people do not have a hard time meeting someone, so something is wrong with them.

Victims must always know what they did wrong. Because we can't make terrible people better, but you can always make better choices. And you really should.